Dear Curly Hair, I Am Sorry
This week I decided to get, yet another, hair straightening treatment. If you’ve never gotten one before you need to know that it is not just a quick visit to the salon. No, the application of the treatment usually takes around 3 hours, depending on the brand and type of treatment, you are sitting there inhaling toxic fumes while your eyes and throat are itching and burning from the intoxication smell. You might ask, why go through that? Which is an excellent question and one I asked myself and found the answer to be very heartbreaking.
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Since I can remember, I have cried over the heavy hatredness I have towards my hair. It’s not just that I don't like it, I passionately hate it with every single fiber in my body. Since the age of 12 I have mastered the art of blow drying and straightening my hair. I've had so much practice that I can proudly get my hair done in under 25 minutes which is a real accomplishment considering the amount of hair I have.
But why? Why burn my hair, pay for expensive treatments and torture myself into believing there is something wrong with it?
Just look around, watch a movie, a tv series or read through a company’s “dress and presentation” rule book. Curly hair seems to be non-existent or literally not approved. Every movie showcases the popular or “pretty” hair with pin straight hair that behaved perfectly. My sister has straight hair so my whole life I’ve watched with envy how she can sport a pigtail one day, the next day wear it in a sleek bun or even dare go out of the house and let it air dry.(you will never ever see me go out in public with my hair wet.) If you have curly hair you know doing the latter is something scary as you have no idea how your hair will react and look.
Courtesy of BuzzFeed
For so long I have stopped doing things I love because of my hair. I passed on certain social events because I didn't straighten my hair that day or even skipped trips because I didn’t want anyone to see my natural hair. Grooming myself into believing my low self esteem came from my unfortunate luck of having curly hair. None of my friends had this “problem”, so I felt alone and literally felt like the ugliest kid in school. For so long I would wake up every morning, straighten the front part of my hair and tie it all up on a bun. Feeling so miserable thinking how great life would be if I could have “normal” hair, I would be prettier, I could wear my hair naturally and not have to worry about it.
Representation matters.
Courtesy of Teen Vogue
How sad is it that for the first 20 years of my life I let such a meaningless thing as hair dominate how I enjoyed it. The thing is,hair is nor an insignificant aspect of social life. In fact it possesses great significance and prejudice.
Society promotes an idealized standard beauty in which curly hair does not fit in. Therefore girls from a young age are socialized into understanding that straight hair equals better. In the cases where curly hair is shown in media is always one that has been previously straightened and then curled, by no means is it natural.
Olivia Pope from Scandal always seemed to have perfect straight effortless hair.
No better example, one that scared me for life, is Mia Thermopolis hair transformation from Princess Diaries. Her huge frizzy hair was associated with her pre-princess life, one where she was literally invisible, a loser and overall unhappy. Then comes Paolo, blow dryer in one hand and straightener in the other and boom! We have a princess. Curly hair is also used as a symbol of uncleanliness or being unstable like Bellatrix Harry Potter. Only in some occasions has curly hair been worn by main characters like the icon mane of SJP in Sex and the City, but still it is rocked by a white blonde female lead.
Courtesy of Medium
Courtesy of Vogue
Hair is political just like fashion, during the 60’s era having big hair was accepted as attempts of afros and big curls were all the rage and again during the 80s. Icons like Diana Ross who didn’t shy away from wearing their natural, beautiful afros in public also succumbed to wearing wigs but managed to show curls during her performance, helping the world see that hair comes in different sizes, shapes and styles.
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Inclusivity and “woke culture” is something brand new, growing up hair commercials only featured girls with straight blonde hair. There was no representation of something that thankfully has changed and little girls will be able to grow up knowing that their hair is normal and beautiful. Companies like PATTERN by Tracee Ellis Ross or Briogeo introduce a brand that is built for everyone who hasn’t been represented and excluded. Creating awareness and allowing women to feel beautiful and represented. Just last year, a video of a 2 year old girl watching Disney + “Super Bonnet” went viral. The little girl was so excited to see the characters wear their bonnets to bed that she decided to wear hers after refusing to wear it. Representation matters, a lot.
Courtesy of Allure
In 2020 Kat graham, Bonnie Bennet from The Vampire Diaries, opened up in a soul crushing interview about her hair journey. Through tears she narrates how the roles she played all required a certain look, one that isn’t afro associated as Hollywood has never really praised. She hopes to one day play a role where she can wear her natural afro, explaining how for her iconic role she had to wear lace fronts, and braids with wigs. Seeing Kat talk about the reality of how hair is represented in the media helps women realize that what we see is not true and beauty should not be oppressed or hidden.
Courtesy of CelebMafia
Going back to the initial question, the reason why I put my hair through intoxicating treatments and why I have so much hate and resentment towards it is because my whole life I have been taught that I was unlucky to be born with it. That it wasn’t something to be proud of. The lack of media representation is damaging, as it does not teach society of the differences that exist within humans. Making it say to create assumptions and prejudices about others and about ourselves.
Curly hair is beautiful, complicated, frizzy, tamed, big and loud. A part of who we are and by no means is it synonymous to ugly. While it breaks my heart to see all the damage under representation has caused me and others I am also hopeful as now when I walk into a store I see products that suit me and see girls on billboards with their natural, beautiful curly hair.